Laws of the Natural Universe

kriptikchicken

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre .


Variation Law:
If you change lanes (traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.


Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.


Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.


Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.


Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

MMUK

British Law; don't be too proud to be British or you'll be called a rascist

Freedom of Speech; is only allowed for religious maniacs who scream "rascism" if they aren't allowed to publically tell the world they think that Britain is immoral and the natives should be killed.

Terrorism Laws, if you hijack a plane and threaten to kill everyone onboard you'll be allowed to stay in the UK bcos they may get punished if sent back to the land they Hi-jacked the plane from!??!!???

Immigration Laws; if you get into the UK with no passport or visa you will not be allowed to stay unless you've arrived by hi-jacked plane or you can get a brit to get you pregnant (females) or get a loan of your cousins (with a remarkably similar name to you) passport - noone can tell bcos all your extended family looks so similar.

Benefit Laws; if you come to the UK to start a new life you'll be given more for not working than you got for working in your native land - anf free healthcare, schooling, housing and if you have a limp you'll get a car to abuse too.

I think we should all chip in and buy the Isle of Man and set up our own colony, anyone with me?

Squatty

I'm with you MMUK but in the interests of political correctness we'd have to rename it The Isle of Person