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really bad joke... discussed at Musclechat.co.uk the community for powerlifters, bodybuilders, strongmen and athletes. really bad joke... - Anything goes in here! (All abusive, offensive and posts deemed inappropriate will be removed)
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17-08-2006, 10:37 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Moderator Musclechat Icon  Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,938 Rep Power:  |  really bad joke... this is a really bad joke.... my favourite kind!! haha > > >> Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a >club. > > >It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most > > >> of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence > >was >only > >broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a >dustbin. > > >> > > >> > > >> Then suddenly he heard a strange noise....... > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement,through the >driving > >rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> He froze to the spot, he couldn't t believe his eyes, as the > >box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape > >more clearly....It was a coffin. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and > >started walking briskly home. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking > >faster......... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........BUMP...... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........BUMP.. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> BUMP........BUMP...... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, > >but >he > >heard the coffin speed up after him...... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ....... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin > >was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out > >his >keys, > >His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside > >slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and > >slumped into his comfy chair. > > >> > > >> > > >> Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way > >through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off > >the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it >continued > >its chase..... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs >could > >take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the >door........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing >and > > >launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the > >bathroom > > >door flew off its hinges.... The coffin stood in the doorway, then > >started > > >to approach the young terrified lad. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his >bathroom > >cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it >at >the > >coffin.......still it came ........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....still it > >came...... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it >came...... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........ > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> The coffin stopped. (I told you it was terrible!!) ______________________ If your not a part of the greatest... you got to be the greatest yourself! For the best supplements: www.extremenutrition.co.uk |
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17-08-2006, 01:51 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Legend Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: www.counselling-for-men.co.uk Posts: 651 Rep Power:  | Hey Lee. Did you read that report in today's paper that said Newcastle Council are banning all North East terms of endearment from their premises and could lead to disciplinary action. Crazy stuff eh? That means, "got any pictures Petal" (my best laugh out loud moment for ages) would have you facing a formal warning. What's the world coming to ? P.S. That reminds me of a terrible Barry Cryer joke on I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue: Husband: What's the world coming to? Wife: The World's coming too.My God.I better cut a few more sandwiches |
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17-08-2006, 02:42 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Moderator Musclechat Icon Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,938 Rep Power: | lol... well my ex works for newcastle council.. and petal is the last thing id be calling her!! lol actually i used to work in an IT office... we had a guy whos job was basically to put paper in printers... (and he got paid like £14k a year!!).. anyways he had his job totally sussed so he only ever needed to leave the office about 4 times a day for work.. the rest of the time hed spend trying to chat up young lasses on yahoo messenger etc.... anyways.. one of my colleagues... being the lovely kind bloke that he is.. decided to create himself a yahoo messenger account.. and download a photo of "himself" which he got from www.mingers.com so he starts chatting to this guy.. ill call him stan (cos thats his real name lol) and basically tells him that hes a 40 year old 16 stone lass who works in town... after much flirting and really disgusting comments from stan.. they agree to meet up that night for sex!... at this point my colleague revealed his true identity to stan... who was obviously a little embarrased and distraught... so what did my colleague do next???? he copied the whole conversation and emailed to like 50 people who know stan!! hahaha ______________________ If your not a part of the greatest... you got to be the greatest yourself! For the best supplements: www.extremenutrition.co.uk |
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17-08-2006, 03:11 PM
| #6 (permalink) | |
 Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Bristol Posts: 3,230 Rep Power: | Quote:
lol ______________________ - Obsession is what lazy people call dedication - | |
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17-08-2006, 03:17 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Moderator Musclechat Icon Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,938 Rep Power: | are you stan????? lol ______________________ If your not a part of the greatest... you got to be the greatest yourself! For the best supplements: www.extremenutrition.co.uk |
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17-08-2006, 04:34 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Moderator Musclechat Icon Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 1,938 Rep Power: | haha.... you dont want to know mate!!! mind i want to see that film called "my super ex-girlfriend" at the weekend.. it was spooky how much she reminded me of her!!!! lol ______________________ If your not a part of the greatest... you got to be the greatest yourself! For the best supplements: www.extremenutrition.co.uk |
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17-08-2006, 08:56 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Guest Posts: n/a | what men would do if they had a vagina for a day 10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. 8. See if they could finally do the splits. 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet. 6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch. 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time. 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first. 3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video. 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too. 1. Finally find that damned G-spot. |
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