in the UK....

zara-leoni

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END

THE BRITISH VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference
and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and
well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill
with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall
Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald
that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers,
and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act,
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can
be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.
On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's
apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of
hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the
police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

Initial moves to then return them to their own country were
abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.
The cats devise and start a scam to obtain
money from peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of
the squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the
council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug
illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the B! ! ritish courts for their
treatment since arrival in UK .

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
released immediately because he has been in custody for a few
weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor
and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in
a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost GBP10,000,000
and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding
a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for
lawyers representing asylum seekers is
increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government
for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are
criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the
root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his
traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a
minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice
in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the
bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are
increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will
have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END

Caymen

Absolutley F*cking correct!, excellent post!.

LeeB

another animal joke...

An elephant asks a camel : " why are your breasts on your back ?"

Well " says the camel , " I think it is a strange question from somebody who's d*ck is on his face"

zara-leoni

PMSL!!!!

JayCee2

lads will love that one at work 8)

Nick500

lol lee
:P

smurf

makes me angry

the camel joke was ace

kriptikchicken

Zara... the men in the white van will be around shortly (you will need more than an overnight bag!)

Extreme

In warning the masses of the coming storm I vote Zara our national weather girl!

zara-leoni

Lol post accepted! haha!

Was gonna post that on a certain other forum, but they are all so blooming PC I would get all sorts of abuse! LMAO!