More jokes

redspy

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare. Eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a cowboy named Jack from Carmichael Saskatchewan stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt. One button at a time.
No one moves.
He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.
She gasps...
He whispers...."Iron this -- and then get me a beer."



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THE RABBI AND THE IRS

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to
audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns
to
the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."


"Yes," answered the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When
we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and
then, they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question
actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another
question,
in
his obnoxious way... "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What
do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"

Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, " we actually collect up the
crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now
and
then,
they send a box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

"Well,Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins
from the circumcisions? "

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is
save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send
them
to
the Internal Revenue Service."

"Internal Revenue Service?," questioned the auditor in disbelief.

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue Service. And about
once a year, they send us a little prick like you.